30 Weeks

I can't believe I'm 30 weeks! Being in the thirties makes me feel like this is so very real. That and seeing his feet poke through my stomach. He's a big boy, he's active, and I pray he's healthy. I've begun to think a lot about delivery and that's causing me a lot of anxiety. I see my doctor on Thursday so hopefully I can get some answers and maybe some relief from the anxiety attacks. I'm trying to remember that this will be a happy experience...that I will get a baby in the end. Last time I had to labor knowing the labor was going to kill my babies. That's a pretty hard thing to do but I'm trying to remind myself that this WILL be different. I said to my doctor last month that I hope she doesn't make me go 40 weeks. She said she'll induce me at 39 so at this point I only have 9 weeks left! I'm feeling fine. I'm getting more tired but overall I can't believe I've made it this far without bed rest, without swelling, and without many other discomforts. My discomforts have been emotional, I'm constantly battling anxiety attacks. I obviously still have some post traumatic stress but I'm trying to imagine how great I'll feel when I get through this! And to meet this little life growing inside me! His movements have been by far the greatest joy on this journey. It has made me think about Magnolia and her birth mother. I know she kicked the same and I imagine the joy it brought her.

Magnolia knows she's having a little brother. She knows my lap has gotten smaller and we have to read books side by side now. She knows the baby kicks and likes to show me that she can kick her legs too. She sometimes gives me kisses on my belly and tells me he's awake. She thinks his name is Magnolia too. She knows my doctor's name and says hello to her every visit. She knows she has to sit on the chair in the doctor's office and be very quiet. She covers her eyes every time we hear the heartbeat because the sound scares her. She takes my blood pressure all of the time. Usually with a tape measure. That's all she really knows. The concept is far too abstract and I really don't think she'll put two and two together when he arrives.

Speaking of names, we have a couple we like. We're going to wait until he arrives to see what suits him the best.

The bassinet is ready to go in our room. I added the ribbon on the bumper to spruce it up a bit.

I made this little outfit out of a recycled cashmere sweater. I didn't use a pattern, I just cut and hand sewed it all. It has a million flaws, who knows if he'll every wear it but it was fun to make. The model is not a real baby, it's Magnolia's life-like baby boy doll. He's so real that he's anatomically correct, wears a hospital bracelet, and is 21 inches long. I carry him around trying to imagine delivering a baby that big! Yikes.

My order arrived today, here's a peak at what I got.

A bumper, a crib skirt, a changing pad cover, and towel.

I came across a couple of blogs this past week that have been fun to look at. They both post about great things for moms and kids. I have yet to buy anything. For me it's just really good window shopping. Take a peek here and here if you're interested.